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Sexiled: being exiled from your dorm room so your roommate may have a sexual encounter. Great for the sexiler, sucks for the sexiled. It's important to have

The Sexile Roommate ContractEdit

As written by CollegeHumor's Kevin Corrigan and available in The CollegeHumor Guide to College and as a poster.

This sexiling contract becomes effective on move-in day and is between _______________ and _______________.

Both parties have come to college ostensibly to learn, but furthermore to get laid. THEREFORE, it is agreed that the undersigned agree to be considerate with respect to privacy when sex is a possibility.

I. TERMS

Each of the undersigned may request privacy in the shared living quarters (hereafter "dorm room") a maximum of ten (10) times per 10-week semester with a maximum of two (2) times per week. Heretofore, this shall be known as the "sexiling." Any overnight sexiling shall count twice against the semester total. Furthermore, it is agreed:

II. THE SEXILER'S OBLIGATIONS:

A. To give a clear signal; be it by sock on the doorknob, post-it, text message, or pre-determined whiteboard code.

B. To refrain from causing permanent damange to the room, particularly with regard to the sexilee's bed.

C. Thoroughly cleaning any stray fluids.

D. To reward the sexiled party for his trouble. For females this can include the promise of laundry, presents, quality time, or other favors. For males this can include such perks as not insulting the sexiled party's girlfriend's teeth.

III. SEXILED PARTY'S RIGHTS

A. The sexiled party shall receive one 'veto' per semester, hereafter known as the "dude, are you blind?" clause.

B. A clear time for the guest's departure will be negotiated and agreed upon before sexilation begins.

C. If one party is consistently sexiled, but never a sexiler, he shall receive no compensation for his trouble. The onus shall be upon him to not be a pussy.


IV. LIMITATIONS

A. There is to be no sexiling during the periods known as "finals," "midterms," or when an important paper is due.

B. No party may be awoken from slumber to be sexiled. The sexiler may proceed with the sex, but if the potential sexiled party is awoken, he shall be given full watching and whistling privileges.


V. OTHER

A. If one party exceeds their sexile quota, some sort of reimbursement, such as alcohol or chicken wings, can be negotiated beforehand.

B. If the sexiler brings home two "guests," all previous rules are off. Any decent roommate should be happy to make whatever sacrifice is necessary to facilitate this scenario, but he or she will be reimbursed with graphic details.

C. If both parties request sexilation on the same night, the party with the hotter partner gets first dibs. If the hotter guest cannot be decided, the roommate with the top bunk gets preference. If there are no bunk beds, a simple coin toss shall decide which of the undersigned will receive sexiling privileges and which will be complaining for years to come.


Roommate Signature __________________________________ Date: ______________

Roommate Signature __________________________________ Date: ______________

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